Lesson 2: Very impressive start pages
Start on your first page immediately. Pay no attention to the anal-retentive types who say to plan first. You don't want to interfere with the flow of your creativity in any way. You are a genius, you don't need to have a site plan. So just sit right down and start writing. Use a page generating program so you don't have to learn any HTML. Don't waste your time, let the program do it all.
First find a free javascript site and copy one of the javascripts that will pop up a window when someone enters your site. Follow the directions and paste the script into your page. Many of them will also include a sample html file for the window, download that too, don't waste time writing your own. Change the text in the popup page to say: 'BOOKMARK THIS SITE NOW!'. It's best to type it all in capital letters so people won't miss it. Sign up for some banner ad servers (see Lesson 3), put one or two in your pop-up window. After that's done, you can start on the home page. Lesson 3 has more on javascripts and how to abuse them.
Your home page must be very impressive. This will normally be the first page people see! Animations and background music are an absolute necessity. Background music should be limited to the first few bars of a song, and looped endlessly. For animation, use one of the plug-in programs like Flash, you can download pre-made animations from the web. Put several on your page, surrounding an animated text that says 'Click Here to Enter' (make this text a link to your next page). Use a fancy background on the page as well (see lesson 4). Be sure you have the page set up so that anyone who doesn't have the plugin will get a message telling them where to download it so they can properly admire your awesome entry page. Be sure to imply that the visitor is a total dweeb for not having the plugin already. You can run a small script to keep anyone who doesn't have the plugin from going any further. Don't forget to put a few ad banners on the page as well.
For your second page, use a full page image map. If you have a site with several areas, you can put links to each area here. If you have only one area, just put that one link here. If you don't know how to do graphics, just go out on the web and copy a big image map that you like. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... isn't it? Change the image enough so that you don't get sued for copyright violations. Make sure the map is very high resolution, and at least 150kb in size, it should take up a whole screen. Bigger is always better! Use another javascript to keep visitors from seeing the image map links by scrolling the mouse over them (see lesson 3 for details). Many sites use just an entry page or just an image map - be one of the first to do both!
The third page is what would be the home page on plain, boring, information sites. Here is where you start using frames to hold the links to all your other pages (this will actually be two pages, the links frame and the page inside it). Use another image map for these links, but make it much smaller, and put the frame on the very bottom of the page, so visitors will see the whole page before getting to the links. Make sure your site is set up so that this frame follows people around, even when they leave your site. The inner page (not the links frame) is the area used to tell everyone what an awesome site you have, and how lucky they are to have found you. Sell yourself, but do not give any real information on this page - visitors might read it and leave. Hype is the rule on this page. You will have to put some text on this page, but don't worry about spelling or grammar, just type it out. Only a few old grouches care about such things. Ad banners should go at the top of this page. Put another banner or two in the links frame.
Lesson 1: The basics for an award? winning site...
Lesson 3: Cutting edge and kewl (sic): javascripts, Java, plugins, and other stuff.
Lesson 4: Graphics, animations, and sounds (Coming Soon)
Lesson 5: Ways to avoid putting any actual content on your site. (Coming soon)
*Disclaimer: This advice is not meant to be taken seriously. Really!