Lesson 1: The basics of a winning site
In just a few short lessons, I will teach you how to create an award-winning site! You too can be a contender for the 'Worst of the Web' awards. If you work hard, you could even be a winner. All it takes is a little creativity, and very little work. I'll give you all the best cutting-edge technique to use for your site. Many sites use some of these techniques; you can be the first to use all of them. Even if you don't win an immediate award, you will get plenty of free links from people who want to use your site as an example. (*See disclaimer)
Before starting on your website, you must develop the proper attitude. Having an attitude is very important. Use the following ideas as a basis for your attitude:
- I don't need to learn HTML - there are plenty of programs to do it for me.
- My computer system is the best, anyone who doesn't have one should buy one or get off the Internet
- My browser is the only one anyone should use.
- People love banner ads
- Anyone who thinks my site is too slow doesn't have enough money to interest me anyway
- Everyone should stay on my site and never go anywhere else
See how easy that is? Remember to practice your attitude daily until it becomes part of you.
Once you have the attitude, there are some things you need to get. First you should sign up with some banner ad servers and banner exchange programs. Assure them when you apply that you will have 90% or more unique visitors (assuming you follow my instructions, of course). Make sure to get the lovely animated banners. Everyone adores those. Your visitors will be very impressed that you have given them the opportunity to make money for you. Always put at least one or two banner ads on each page.
Investigate all the free javascript sites, and get the javascripts for popup windows on entry and exit, and the ones for javascript menus. The javascript pull-down menus are great, but you can also do javascript image maps, which are much prettier. Either way, make sure you never use text links; require anyone on your pages to use javascript so they can see all the other cool javascripts you are running. Pop-up 'on entry' windows should be on all your main pages to remind people to bookmark your site. They are also a good place to stick a banner ad or three. You'll also need a popup 'on exit' for each page. Lesson 3 will explain this and other javascripts in more detail.
As you make your pages, check them in your favorite browser, and at your favorite page resolution. The 1024 x 768 is a good resolution, you can fit much bigger pictures, and more banner ads on your page if you use that. Be sure to put a note on each page, telling your visitors what browser and page size they should use. If they don't have a system that can handle that page size, let them know they aren't welcome on your site until they go and buy a new system. Your visitors will love you for reminding them they are out of date and must upgrade.
Note (1): I didn't say it would be a good award.
Lesson 2: Impressive Entry Pages
Lesson 3:Cutting edge and kewl (sic): javascripts, Java, plugins, and other stuff
Lesson 4: Graphics, animations, and sounds (Coming Soon)
Lesson 5: Ways to avoid putting any actual content on your site. (Coming soon)
*Disclaimer: An example of what not to do. This advice is not meant to be taken seriously.