Living on the other side

Introducing a Travel column:

I'll make a confession. In general, I hate to travel. I've got a positive phobia about airplanes, and am not excessively fond of buses or cars. I do; however, love to get there. I'm even happier if I can stay awhile!

I'm not much of a tourist, I would much rather sit in some tiny restaurant or pub and chat with the locals than be dragged around visiting the local tourist sites. I lived 30 minutes outside of NY city for 11 years and never went to the Statue of Liberty, or to the Empire State Building.

I'm not going to give you the typical tourist view of the two years I spent living and working on Phuket Island, in Thailand. I won't tell you to go visit Wat Chalong if you go there, though you should. I won't tell you which tour to take, or which diving company has the best rates. You men most certainly won't get a guided tour to the bar girls, though I may remark on what they have to say when your backs are turned!

You won't hear much here on the beauty of the island, or the fact that it was almost destroyed by tin mining, and is still suffering problems from the same. I won't tell you what the Thais are (and aren't) doing to rescue the coral reefs and endangered animals, except in passing.

What I will tell you is what it is like to live in a culture very different from one's own. Some of it the Thai culture, and some of it the expatriate culture in Phuket (I was fascinated by both).

I'll give you a few things not to do if you go there. I'll tell you about etiquette - Thai style. You will hear the story of the elephant in the bar and the woman with five husbands. You will hear about the food markets, from the point of view of a shopper. You will hear Thai folk tales, stories of culture shock and culture click. You will hear all of these from the point of view of a happily bemused female xenophile.

• Arrive Bangkok: 1am The hotel lost my reservation....